The Children's Socialization Program (cont'd)
Who Can Benefit From Social Skill Instruction?
The Socially Challenged Child
At times, even children who are in all other respects high functioning and successful can be socially challenged. These children, who may be succeeding academically or at home with family, might find interaction with peers difficult or intimidating. Children with social skills deficits may be socially shy or be missing important cues from their peers. Parents often wonder why they don’t want to call their peers, or why peers do not seem to seek them out for activities.
As they grow older, they seem to always be on the periphery of social groups and spend large amounts of time in isolated activities such as video games, or watching television. Eventually, as their peers socially mature around them, they are left behind, and in some cases become more vulnerable to seeking acceptance in less desired groups. For these children, The Children’s Socialization Program provides the means to face the challenges of re-entry into social groups that they would otherwise be afraid to approach.
The Socially Inactive Child
Perhaps the largest group of children for whom specialized social skills training is an important addition are those children who are not considered in need of special services within the school, but whose social development is lagging.
Due to the strong emphasis on academics within the regular classroom, often children who are being mainstreamed back into these classrooms, and children who have always been in a regular classroom setting may receive a minimal amount of specialized direct social skills training.
For example, the high-achieving but quietly withdrawing child or the average yet boisterous child may need special attention to develop age appropriate levels of self-confidence, self-esteem, and social competence. This can not always be directly provided by even the most conscientious of teachers within the midst of a busy regular mainstream classroom setting.
Learning Disabled and Children with Attention Deficit Disorders
Often, due to the subtleness of their condition, learning disabled children find themselves unable to perform at the level of their peers but are not quite sure why. The learning disabilities make it hard for them to understand or follow the rules of a game. Perhaps an attention deficit disorder interferes with a child’s ability to stay focused on the activity, or an excess of impulsiveness causes them to strike out. A visual memory deficit may make it hard for them to keep track of the action of the game.
When engaged in a team activity, they become a liability to the other children’s chances of winning or they themselves often lose. Eventually, they may find themselves ostracized by the group, lingering on the periphery of the “in circle”, always the last chosen, if chosen at all. The mastery of the nuances of appropriate social interaction eludes them and the child stagnates, withdraws or resorts to regressed behaviors. From these ranks often comes the class clown, class bully, or the class victim. As one observes children carefully, one finds that they create a social order with clear lines of demarcation and consequences for ignoring and traversing boundaries. The group dynamics portrayed in the classic novel “The Lord of the Flies” illustrates the harshness of the sub-society within which children must define their place.
Very quickly, self-esteem, self-confidence and social peer acceptance begin to diminish. Progressively, they withdraw form the “punitive” effects of social interaction, sometimes to the degree of becoming phobic. Isolated play and dependency on familial activities predominate. The children spend their days often watching television or engaged in solitary play. As the social skills of their peers progress from year to year, our socially withdrawn children stagnate. The gap widens, the boundaries become more defined and harder to cross. The “punishments” for social incompetence becomes more severe. Eventually, we are left with a child or young adult who is alone, withdrawn, and incapable without help or re-entering the social mainstream.
Often, we have found that socially disabled children have some underlying learning disability. However, this is far from universal. Children are ostracized by other children for many reasons. Children with developmental lags who can’t keep up are usually left behind. Rarely are such children carried forward by their peers. If untreated, they stagnate and the age of their playmates becomes younger. This would not be too bad in and of itself, but once again these children may find themselves ridiculed for their choice of playmates and again their self-esteem, social standing, and self-worth may continue to diminish.
The Funny-Looking Kid Syndrome
Another source of social disability is seen in the children who fall under an unfortunate label of the “funny-looking kid syndrome.” Perhaps, we can all recall that child in our class, grade or school who was treated like they just didn’t belong because they were “too fat, or had funny eyes, or big ears or was too small”. Often, these children are victimized by their peers or have difficulty maintaining close relationships. Without support, these children become the “social outcasts” of the group. Unaccepted by their peers, they often withdraw, and potentially become phobic. They internalize the negative, hurtful messages of their peers and withdraw from possible future rejection.
The Gifted or Talented Child
Another group of children are the gifted or talented children who, due to the very nature of their precociousness, find they can manipulate other children, or find themselves bored by their peers. At times, their need to control may override the social graces of the group, leading to ostracism. They may seek out intellectual peers by looking to older children, only to find they are rejected due to their lack of social skills, limited experiences or simply age. These children may also bury their intellectual prowess in order to achieve acceptance within their own peer groups. With appropriate social skills training, many of these children can learn how to integrate into a peer group without sacrificing their intellectual gift or talent.
How We Can Meet Your Child’s Special Needs
Forced peer interaction, per se, is not the solution for social difficulties in children. A nurturing, structured environment, such as a socialization program, where children can find a niche in which to succeed, develop self-esteem through positive feedback, try out new social skills and personas, and gain peer recognition is vital. From these building blocks, children can learn to apply these interactions toward re-entering the mainstream of their social environments at school, recreational outings, and at home.
Regardless of the cause, to the socially challenged child, the road to social comfort consists of developing social competence (i.e., the ability to understand social rules), social skills (i.e., the ability to act in a pro-social manner), self-esteem (i.e., a sense of liking and accepting oneself) and social self-confidence (i.e., the ability and willingness to take risks and present ones self confidently to others).
Public school, day care centers, summer camp, individual live-in care givers all have their role in the child’s expanding social development, but are typically not designed or trained to meet the special needs of the socially challenged, or socially-withdrawn child.
Our hope is that your child will see The Children’s Socialization Program as a place where they feel accepted, and appreciated by the new friends they’ve made. Our ultimate goal is that, from what they learn and experience at The Children’s Socialization Program, they will bring their new abilities and positive self-perceptions to all their future activities.